Swinging in the Suburbs

Hello out there!  Life has been so ultimately crazy lately.  I hope you all didn’t think that the disappointing sex in my last blog turned me off from the lifestyle for good.  Couldn’t be more wrong.  I’ve had some really fun times since then.  We went to another large hotel party last weekend and I had so much fun, flirting and kissing and meeting new friends.  Had a wonderful date last night with a guy.  We don’t know him very well, so I made it pretty clear that I really wanted to have time to get to know him and that sex would not likely be on the table.  We hit it off pretty well and spent a lot of time getting to know each other over some drinks.  Then we went to a seedy little strip bar and spent a bunch more time getting to know each other.  He picked the place.  He said that he takes dates there as a test to see how they react.  He liked my reaction cause I told him how much I love those kind of places.

Anyway……new full time job has been keeping me busy which is why I haven’t had much time to blog lately.  Have a bunch of stuff happening through this week and then I will be able to breathe a bit.  So bear with me, by the first Monday in December, life will be MUCH less stressful!

So I’ve written many posts by now about some very fun playtimes I’ve had.  Here is my first post about a recent experience that just wasn’t satisfying at all.  It’s my own fault, but sometimes these things happen.

For the purposes of this blog, let’s call the playmate in question: nakedinthecity.

MrNakedintheCity and I have been yahoo chatters for quite a while now.  Maybe even a year or so.  It’s been pretty fun, but he and his wife have never managed to actually have time to go out as a foursome.  Maybe about 6 months ago or so, he and I actually met in person at a mutual friend’s birthday celebration.  He seemed cute and I remember thinking wow, that’s a nice surprise.

That birthday celebration was the only time I’ve actually seen him in person, but we’ve continued flirting and chatting online a bit.  Anyway on Wed, we were discussing how nice it would have been if he had walked me to my car the night we met and we had taken the opportunity to play kissy face and other games.

Long story short (since as you will see later, its an appropriate storytelling device for this particular story), he invited me to his house on Wed morning for a quickie.  My husband was super excited and asked me to send him photos.  So I drove to his place and went inside.  First thing I noticed is that he wasn’t as cute as I had remembered.  He led me to the basement, where his family room and office are.  We basically started kissing right away and he had that “morning smell” of someone who hasn’t showered or maybe yet brushed his teeth.  It wasn’t completely disgusting or anything like that, but also not “freshly” prepared for a playdate.  I’ll fuck my husband in the morning without a shower/shave/toothbrushing, but a playmate is different.  I was *almost* going to tell him I changed my mind and leave, but instead decided to stay.

He put some towels down for us on this couch/chair thing and we played for a very short time.  He ate me out a bit and I tried to snap a couple pics, but couldn’t get the right angle.  Then he fingered me and he snapped a few photos.  Then he pulled a condom from behind the books on his bookshelf and fucked me, again snapping a few pics.  He was fucking me pretty slowly and I wanted an orgasm (since he hadn’t given me one yet), so I started trying to get it going faster/harder/at the right angle/etc.   In very short order, he came.  He was willing to keep plugging away, but I don’t like to do that after a guy cums cause the cum-filled condom can start slipping around and that kind of defeats the whole purpose.  So I pulled away from him.

He went into the bathroom and I put my clothes back on.  I checked out the pics and thanked him for taking photos that I knew my hubby would enjoy.  I was back in my car 25 minutes after pulling up in front of the house.  I couldn’t help but laugh.  It was probably one of the least sexually satisfying experiences I’ve had in the lifestyle.  Although, at least he was able to stay hard and actually fuck me.  I’ve had that problem with some men too.

My hubby enjoyed his pics, but I made him delete them all.  I am WAY too nervous about them getting into the wrong hands.

As for MrNakedintheCity??  Well he now knows what it’s like to fuck me.  But I don’t think I’ll be seeking out a repeat of that one.

I have heard rumor that some swinging couples don’t “kiss” the other couple when they swing.  It seems that kissing is too intimate or romantic or something.  Personally I have NEVER yet met a couple that won’t kiss.  I think it’s absolutely crazy! My first reaction is that these non-kissing swingers have likely watched the movie Pretty Woman one too many times.  In case you don’t know, Pretty Woman is a movie about a prostitute (Julia Roberts) working in Hollywood.  She and her hooker friend Kit have a rule that they DO NOT kiss their Johns.  Julia’s character gets picked up one night by Richard Gere who wants to pay her to be “his” for the entire week.  It makes prostitution look all glamourous and sexy and lucrative.  Anyway, eventually they fall in love and blah, blah, blah!

It’s not that I don’t understand the argument that kissing is too intimate.  I agree that kissing is probably way more intimate than actually fucking someone.   Sex doesn’t have to be intimate.  In fact it can be very impersonal.  Mouth kissing on the other hand is something that demands or perhaps creates some intimacy between partners.  So I agree with those who claim that kissing is more intimate than fucking.

However, I like that feeling of intimacy.  Certainly I am not in the lifestyle to find a new life partner, but I’m also not looking for random, nameless, faceless sex.  I want a connection with my playmate that lasts at least as long as the encounter and preferably longer.  Kissing is one of the things that makes me WANT to have sex with you.  The right kiss can create an intense desire to take things to the next level.  Interestingly, it’s also a way that swingers often say “hello” and “goodbye” and “wow, you’re looking nice tonight.”  For many of the people I meet, kissing may be all that we do; it’s never going beyond that.

This topic is on my mind because we went to a swingers party on Saturday night.  In our state, on-premise sex clubs are pretty much illegal, so we have social events/dances where we meet, dress sexy, flirt, kiss, and dance.  Folks typically then leave the party to play in their hotels.   Saturday night’s event was held in a hotel ballroom and there were probably between one and two hundred people there.   I was feeling way under the weather, as in I probably shouldn’t have even been there.  But I went anyway and just told people I wasn’t kissing that night in order to help avoid spreading my germs all over the place.

It was a little awkward to experience being a non-kisser for the night.  I felt out of place and unconnected to people.  I felt less sexy and less flirtatious.  I realized how much I enjoy kissing and how happy I am that we are a couple who DOES kiss!  Kissing is where it all starts for me.

One guy risked his health and kissed me full on anyway.  While he was kissing, he pulled my hair nice and hard.  SWOON!  Oh my gosh, I REALLY like that!  Then he told me that he that he was really wanting to fuck me that night.  The two of us have been at some of the same house parties, but we haven’t actually had sex yet.  I told him next time for sure!  Anticipation is an awesome thing!

I have so many stories and ideas for posts that I feel like I could blog for about 3 months non-stop.  This is a good thing because it (supposedly) means that I won’t run out of things to blog about.   Currently I have three drafts started:

1. I have a post started on probably one of the most common questions people have regarding “the lifestyle.”  That would be the question of STIs.
2. We went to a swingers gathering last night, so I have a post about that as well.
3. I am also starting a page which discusses my playmate philosophy.

Those posts will have to remain unfinished right now, because I need to blog/journal about a certain guy and my responses to him.  MrTallBaldnHandsome and I first began corresponding a little less than a year ago.  He and his girlfriend were listed on Lifestyle Lounge’s booty call list on a Friday night looking to meet a couple for some drinks.   We thought they were cute, so we sent them a reply giving our (my) cell phone number.   He texted me, and the two of us texted back and forth several times throughout the afternoon trying to set something up for that night.  There already seemed to be some kind of chemistry there between the two of us.  As it turned out, a meeting for that night wasn’t going to work out for them after all.  No biggie.   Soon after, some things changed with their profile, so we just moved on and didn’t think anything of it.

A few months later, I met his girlfriend at a bar and somehow got to talking about what a hottie her boyfriend (MrTallBaldnHandsome) was.  She seemed pleased and told me that I should definitely email him.  Well no need to, because he emailed me by the next morning.  He and I began a little bit of texting back and forth and it seemed like there was some very nice chemistry happening (again).  Within a day or two, we were texting quite a bit and getting to know each other.  My husband was leaving town for the weekend, so I met the couple for dinner one night and the three of us went to a bar meet.

Long story short, he and I hit it off and enjoyed texting on pretty much a daily basis for a while.  We got together a couple times for some playtime and it was really fun.  We were compatible sexually and enjoyed talking/cuddling together.  There were probably some issues then, but I guess I was able to ignore them or work around them.   Lately though, this guy is driving me bonkers with the way he deals with me.  I don’t know what’s going on with him, his relationship with his girlfriend, or whatever, but I must stop contacting him!

Here is the most recent example, which is pretty typical of the way our text exchanges have been going lately.  On Wednesday night I get a text asking what I’m up to and when I respond (about an hour after the inital text), he asks if I want to get a hotel room with him that night.   It’s not really a very convenient night for me (especially since I had just played with MrBadBoy that morning), but I checked in with my hubby anyway.  After talking it over with my hubby, I told MrTallBaldnHandsome that I would love to see him, engage in some kissing and cuddling (his word, not mine), but probably wouldn’t be in the mood for sex.  There were a couple reasons for this:  #1) I had just had an intensely satisfying playdate that morning, #2) My last playdate with MrTallBaldnHandsome wasn’t that thrilling.  #3) I was wanting to actually TALK to the dude and figure out why our im and text messaging patterns had changed so dramatically as of late.

He (of course) said that would be fine, he always says it doesn’t matter if we have sex.  He is supposedly happy just cuddling (again, his word, not mine.)  He then suggested that we meet at a hotel in a suburb WAY closer to his place than mine.  (We live about an hour apart.)   When I suggested something a bit more halfway, he balked and said it wouldn’t give us enough time.  “Let’s wait until the weekend when I will be home alone and have a bunch of free time.”  Great, I said!  Make some plans for us.  Friday night would be great.

The following night (Thursday), he texts me again asking if I want to come have a drink with him in a suburb that is even further away than the one he lives in!  I was on my way out with my hubby, and gave MrTallBaldnHandsome a taste of his own medicine by asking if he wanted to drive down, pick me up, and take me to my car.  Yeah, it was an obnoxious request, but so was asking me to drive all the fuck the way up to where he was “alone watching the game.”  In any case, we decided against hooking up on Thursday and again, I mentioned that my Friday night was free.  At this point he tells me that he’s not sure about Friday because he might be going out of town.  Fine, no problem.  Just keep me posted, I tell him.

Friday.  I was online Friday afternoon and sent him an IM which got no response (other than him immediately logging out).  By about 5:30 on Friday, I still hadn’t heard from him, so I sent him a quick text asking what’s up for the night.  “Are you going out of town or not?”  NO RESPONSE!  ZERO!  NOTHING.

Saturday. Nothing.

Sunday. Nothing.

What the fuck?  Really?  I mean if you don’t want to go out, fine, just say so.  If you were super horny on Wednesday, but just aren’t anymore, fine, just say so.  Don’t, however, just ignore me and then expect me to be at your beck and call the next time you need to get your rocks off.  I’m not here to be some silly girl needing constant attention, but I also don’t appreciate being ignored when we have potential plans.  If you need or want to cancel, FINE!  I’m not gonna freak out.  It’s when you just completely disregard the fact that we talked about getting together.

The worst part is, this isn’t the first time he’s done this to me!  One other time, I did give him a pretty good piece of my mind, and he got really nice and attentive for a while after that, but here we are again.  It really bothers me that I have somehow given him the impression that I am still interested in fucking someone who leads me on and ignores me.   I’m like super into him.  He’s sweet, sexy, quiet, and has a killer smile.  He smells good and has really nice arms.  But all these things are blinding me to several issues I have with him.  The stuff I’ve already typed, but also stuff like telling me I should act in a certain way when I’m out in public or telling me that he wants me to be more clean shaven (I keep a pretty nice welcome mat).  It’s time to just cut it out.  There are plenty of fish in the sea who don’t live over an hour away, who know how to be at least somewhat polite, who don’t have some sort of expectation that I will be available to come to them whereever the fuck they might be.

I haven’t yet had the guts to do it, but I really think I need to just remove him from my phone and my IM so that I can’t initiate contact.  Then if he contacts me, just let it go unanswered.  Until or unless he asks me what’s wrong or if I am upset or something.  (See how I am?  Already trying to find a way around the communication moratorium.)

Well I suppose we’ll see what happens.  Try to determine if I am strong/smart enough to move on.  It’s crazy, I tell ya!  And to think, I’m a pretty low key gal as far as this stuff seems to go.

Good morning all!

Thank you for waiting so patiently for the details of my Wed morning date!  It was very, very fun and I started this entry right away, but there was so much to write, and it’s taken me a couple days.

I am debating how to “name” my boy toys for the purpose of this blog.  Should I give them a “handle” (like badboy6543) or pick a pseudonym for them (like George)?  Interested in your thoughts on that.  For now, I think I will go with the “handle” idea.

So Wednesday morning after getting the kids off to school, I drove over to MrBadBoy’s place and parked across the street.  He told me to text him when I got there and he would come out to greet me.  That’s a good start!  He came up to my car and it almost seemed like he might kiss me right in the street, but I was a little too shy for that, so we walked into his place together.  Once inside, we started things out with a very nice hello kiss followed by a little giggle from me.  He walked me over to his couch where we just sat talking for a while.  He had requested that I wear a skirt, so I sort of draped my legs over his lap so he could touch my legs.  It was really nice just to get to know him a bit better since we’ve really only met briefly about 3 times.  After a bit of learning about each other, he started kissing me again and pulled me to my feet.  (He had already removed my shoes and played with my toes some on the couch….LOVE THAT!)

We kissed a bit more and he took me into the bedroom, where he removed his pants.  His hard cock was a nice bulge in his boxer briefs, so I went over to him and did this teasing thing I love to do.  Essentially I tease my mouth and face over a guy’s cock while he’s still wearing clothing.  Sometimes I’ll expose just the tip and give it a little kiss before hiding it inside the pants again.  So I did that for a bit and his cock was glistening with pre-cum, which is incredibly sexy.  When I stood up, he walked me over to the bed, and laid me down on my back.   Here is where the details begin to get a bit fuzzy.  I think he started by pulling up my skirt (or maybe he had already taken it off) and burying his face in my pussy which is basically my favorite thing in the world.  I was so wet and excited!  And when he began filling my pussy with his fingers, the intensity of what he was doing caused me to squirt all over his hand and face and bed.  Whenever a guy is turned on by that, it makes me cum even more!

He also had incredibly succulent nipples which I so enjoyed sucking and lightly biting.  After a while, he said something like “I can’t take it anymore,” and put on his condom.  I wanted to be fucked doggy style, but he asked to have me on my back instead.  And really that is also one of my favorite positions, so I obliged.  He was nice and slow which was kind of a fun contrast from the intense, slightly rough foreplay we had.  Really enjoyed being fucked by him and finding the correct positions for our bodies to work together.  It’s really different with every playmate as to which positions “work” best.  One of my favorite positions with him was with my left leg over his right shoulder and my right leg wrapped around him.

When we were done, I spent some time kissing his chest, arms, nipples, and cock.  He even let me do one of my favorite things which is to suck on a nice soft cock that is spent from a good fucking.  Most guys tend to push me away and say that they can’t take that much stimulation after orgasm.  MrBadBoy, however, covered his face and allowed himself to experience the intensity even though it was obviously a bit difficult for him.   That turned me on so much!

We layed in the bed for a few minutes and then I got up and got dressed.  He walked me to my car and gave me a kiss good-bye.  I was so turned on that I took about 3 wrong turns on the way home!!  Also found myself smiling throughout the day.  It was a very good playdate and hopefully the two of us will play again soon.

In a little less than nine hours, I will be meeting with a brand new playmate at his house for a morning playdate.  I am pretty excited and a little nervous too.  This guy is very quiet and a little rough around the edges and yet I can tell that he will be super concerned about making sure I have a good time and am well taken care of.

He and I first met a few months ago when we found each other’s profiles on Lifestyle Lounge.   We considered meeting for a booty call at that time, but I was a little aprehensive.  I’m not as much of a booty girl think as I think I am sometimes.  LOL

A little while after that, we ended up meeting each other in person when a mutual friend invited my husband and I to meet her and “some friends” for some drinks and dancing.  The mutual friend gave me a little insight about how much she enjoys MrBadBoy’s company.  He and I kissed each other good night and it was pretty intense. I have a feeling he knows how to be a little rough and naughty with me and I can’t wait. It can be a little scary to play with someone who might enjoy rough play as much as I do because you have to really trust that this guy will respect your boundaries.  I feel really good about this one though.  I would never agree to go to a guy’s house unless I was pretty sure about his intentions and respect level.

Check back later for all the naughty details!

This story needs a little background.

There is a weekly swingers event in the Twin Cities that used to meet in a neighborhood bar very close to our house. The bar is very small and other than our lifestyle group, there would typically be a handful of regulars in there as well. After several weeks, the regulars began to figure out exactly the nature of our group’s “mutual” interest. One of the regulars is a woman who also works as a cashier at the grocery store we go to.

Hubby went grocery shopping tonight and this woman was working his checkout lane. She greeted him by name and asked him how he’s been. It caught hubby off guard a bit because we’ve never actually talked to this woman other than the regular chit-chat you might have with your grocery cashier. Not sure how she knew his name, but whatever. Then she says, “You don’t go down to the bar with your group anymore?” Hubby took the comment in stride and explained that the group was now meeting at a different bar.

She continued to ring up the groceries and asked my hubby if he wanted her to ring in the ice-cream. (It was still in the cart.) He explained that he was shopping with a budget, so he was going to actually skip the ice-cream today. Instead, the cashier just waved the ice cream through and didn’t charge him for it!!

Nice!! Not only do we get to have sex with other people, we also get FREE ice cream!

Wednesday of last week, we tried something completely new. We posted a Craigslist ad looking for a couple who might want to host us for an evening of playtime. We were just very much in the mood to play, but these sort of short order searches generally don’t usually amount to a whole lot. Typically, we would post what’s called a booty call on our favorite swinger site: Lifestyle Lounge. Even though LL’s booty call list is well known for having a very low success rate, I have met a few fun people that way and even had sex with a couple of them. It’s been rumored that people have some amount of success hooking up on Craigslist, so we decided to give it a try. I posted a message describing hubby and I and asking for people to send us a photo if they wanted a reply.

First thing that happened is a lifestyle friend of mine (guy who I play with) sent me a text asking if hubby and I were on Craigslist. Apparently I was a bit too specific with our descriptions; I did list our correct city, ages, hair color/styles, heights, and weights. Hubby suggested that maybe I should be a bit more vague next time in case people we know outside the lifestyle might be browsing just for kicks. I guess I figured being specific would help avoid the need to post a photo and risk being found out. Apparently when you describe yourself to a T, you don’t need photos! LOL

Exactly one couple responded to our ad. They were a bit older than us, mid 50’s, but that’s not necessarily a deal breaker. They had a hot tub and wanted us to come right over. This is NOT typically the way we do things. We like to know people and become friends or at least good acquaintances before playing to help establish some chemistry. But we like to step out of the box sometimes, so we emailed them back asking for a photo. DUMB!! My ad specifically said that in order to receive a reply, they must include a photo.  I hate having to ASK for a photo, because then if there isn’t an attraction, it’s very difficult to say, “well we were interested, but after viewing your photos, not so much.” The female wasn’t unattractive. She was slender with blonde hair, but she did look a bit old and hubby just wasn’t feeling like there would be a connection. The guy on the other hand…..I don’t want to be rude, so I am going to say this in the nicest way possible. He looked like Albert Einstein with glasses. Gray hair that was sticking up on end, huge glare on his glasses, and I swear his eyes were closed. How on earth does anyone expect me to see that photo and say, “Oh wow, please please please let me fuck you asap!”

Luckily they lived almost an hour and a half away, so we just explained that we didn’t want to drive that far on a work night. They did offer to let us spend the night, but we declined “because the kids couldn’t stay home alone over night.” True, but also convenient.

So what did I learn from this experience?

1. The theory that says no photos in the initial email is a bad sign seems to have more evidence to support it.
2. Age does matter if people look their age (and older)
3. Looks matter
4. Craigslist probably has no better success rate than any other booty call option
5. We were horny, but not that horny!
6. One should be careful not to describe themselves TOO accurately on a site that is available to the general public.

Does this mean I am giving up on Craigslist? Absolutely not!! I’ll try again and keep reporting back on our success rate.

I had fun with a new guy on Thursday night. We occasionally meet a group of swingers at a little dive-y neighborhood bar for karaoke. A really good friend of ours started what has become a weekly event for swingers in the Twin Cities. The event started sometime over the summer and at first, attendance would vary quite a bit. Some weeks there might be 30 people and other weeks only like 8 of us showed up. Lately, however, it seems pretty steady and there is a good crowd nearly every week. I would say we are part of the “regular crowd” and then there are some that show up occasionally (we may be more in this group at this juncture.) And finally, there is the group I’ll call “fresh meat.” These are the sexy new folks who everyone seems to want to meet.

Many weeks ago, a guy showed up who just had several of us ladies (myself included) feeling very frisky. He has dark, captivating eyes, thick curly black hair, and a voice that makes me cream my panties. WOW! He got a LOT of attention the last time he showed up. Girls who practically falling all over themselves to kiss him and dance with him and just generally enjoy his sexiness in any way possible. He and I had one of those connections that I crave in the lifestyle. It was very clear that we each had some intense appreciation for the other’s sexiness. So the last time (aka first time) he came to karaoke, I asked him to come outside with me near the end of the night. I’m not big on public displays of sensuality at these events. We walked out to my car and started kissing and making out. Hubby knew I was going outside with MrSexy, but didn’t realize we were going to OUR car, so he was coming out to pull the car up for me so we could go home. He apologized for interrupting and we all had a little laugh. MrSexy and I gave each other a kiss good night and I got in my car. Just when I closed the door, MrSexy knocked on the window and thanked hubby for allowing me a few moments of kissy face time.

I really wanted to hook up with this guy again, but he explained that his play schedule is a little unpredictable and we would just have to wait and see when we might meet up again.

Fast forward to this past Thursday. I went to karaoke by myself because I was already out and about Thursday night and about half the distance to the suburb where our event takes place. This actually wasn’t a horrible idea especially since hubby and I generally have different ideas about when we should leave karaoke. He likes to leave early and I like to stay late.

So anyway, there I am minding my own business at karaoke when surprise, surprise, in walks MrSexy. He gave me a sly smile and I returned the favor. We shared a very nice hello kiss and I was instantly so turned on by him again. I’m kind of a picky gal and demand a pretty intense attraction before I’ll sleep with a guy. This guy absolutely fits the bill. Just like last time however, he was fawned on by nearly all the female attendees and he really eats it up (who can blame him.) I don’t like to be clingy or annoying, so I kind of stayed back a bit. Later into the evening, we found ourselves sitting next to each other, hands on thighs, doing a little kissing, and (at least me) getting very turned on! He had sung once earlier in the night and I asked him if he would be singing again. He answered yes and I quietly said, “Do you want to take me outside for a bit when you’re done?” I actually said it so quietly that I thought he might not hear.” But he immediately turned to me and said, “Yes.” Just like that, a nice short one word answer that couldn’t be mistaken for any other answer.

So right after he sang, the two of us started walking outside. One gal did follow us and ask him for a hug good-bye, but after that short delay, we walked out to his car.  Just like last time, we began with my back against the side of the car and him kissing me. Sexy, passionate, exciting kisses and some shared, over the pants crotch fondling. This time, however, we weren’t interrupted and he asked if I wanted to get inside the car with him. Of course I did and even though I wasn’t necessarily planning to have sex, of course we did. It started with some kissing and removing of pants so that we could fondle without fabric barriers and do some intense below the waist tongue teasing and tasting. He had the condom and took it out asking if I wanted to fuck him. (Isn’t the answer obvious?) He sat in the backseat and put the condom on. I straddled him and slowly lowered my waiting pussy onto his nice hard cock. We fucked and it felt so damn good! I was mostly naked by this time, my bra pulled down around my waist. One of my favorite parts was when MrSexy said something like “mmmm…..look how sexy your body looks when you fuck.” Something about a man complimenting my body and really meaning it is a huge turn on.

Generally, I’m not a huge fan of fucking in cars and it was sort of funny when I found it impossible to throw my head back to have my neck kissed because my head was already touching the car’s ceiling. Despite this, I really enjoyed myself. Being a swinger is very fun when you are fucking sexy people to whom you are highly attracted. In the future, this blog may contain other stories in which I’m fucking people that don’t turn out to be as fun as I had hoped. But right now I am so satisfied with my Thursday night experience. It was really hot. MrSexy and I said good night to each other, but we didn’t exchange phone numbers or any other contact information, so it’s just a matter of chance as to when I might see him again.

A final thought……I am also so happy that my husband is open and able to allow me these kinds of experiences. As you continue with this blog, you will learn more about our different approaches to swinging and sex, but he is a wonderful man and having him makes experiences like the car sex with MrSexy so much better!

Swinging is a funny world. By definition, we are all in this lifestyle because sex is fun and we want the freedom to explore our sexuality both within and outside our marriage. However, there is this odd sort of judgment that happens when people think that others are too “slutty.” Like most things in the world, you will always find people who are playing more often than you are and those who are playing less often. We have friends, a couple, who play way more often than we ever would want to. Sometimes my husband and I find ourselves judging them and asking ourselves how they could possibly play what seems like nearly every night of the week. I try so hard to remember that there may be other couples who think that my husband and I play too often or perhaps that our style isn’t right because not only do we play in separate rooms, but we go out on separate dates as well. This lifestyle shouldn’t be about judgment. The couple in question is completely on the same page WITH EACH OTHER and that’s all that matters. It doesn’t matter what my husband and I or anyone else thinks.

Now, if there is a discrepency WITHIN the marriage regarding the frequency of play, then that is something to talk about. We have had so many discussions about what place swinging has in our lifestyle and how often we should or want to be playing. I admit that when we first took the plunge last July, I wanted to go out at least one night each weekend (either Friday or Saturday night). That isn’t to say that I expected to have sex every single time, but I wanted to be out and be seen and get to know people and hopefully at least most of the time have some sex at the end of the night. The other thing that comes into play is that once I play, I find that I really want to play again very soon. Sex has always been a lot like exercise for me; the longer I go without, the easier it is to continue to go without, but once you get some, you want more very soon. So hubby and I were going through these phases where we would play over the weekend and I would be feeling ready for another play date by about Tuesday, while my husband would feel like he could wait at least a couple weeks or more for our next “swinging escapade.”

Our frequency has greatly reduced over the past year as the newness of swinging has worn off. Things have equalized a bit for us and we are able to keep life a bit more in balance than maybe we were able to in the beginning. I have had two playdates during each of the last three months (August, September, and October). Those six playdates break down as follows: one couples date where we did a same room-full swap, one mfm (male-female-male) with hubby and a new guy, and 2 one-on-one playdates each with two of my favorite playmates. Hubby says his ideal schedule for us is to have 0-3 playdates per month, so I am falling right in line with that. We are both feeling ready for another playdate soon and it’s possible that hubby will get his chance this weekend and with one of his favorite playmates!! Keeping my fingers crossed for him.