Jan
28
SabrinaSwings.com
January 28, 2012 | | Comments Off
I have VERY exciting news!!
Swinging in the Suburbs is now up and running at: www.sabrinaswings.com — update your bookmarks and come check it out.
XOXO
Jan
25
Swinging FAQ: How Often Should We Play?
January 25, 2012 | | 2 Comments
I’ve been enjoying Life on the Swingset for the last several months. The site’s very clever tagline reads “Life Less Monotonous. Life Less Monogamous.” I really wish I would have thought of that! The site is run by Cooper Becket who is also a contributor over at SexisFun.net. Both sites inspire me to expand my vision for this blog!
I’ve been devouring their blogs and articles, with plans to listen to the pod-casts as soon as possible. (Participating in a pod-cast is on my list to accomplish in 2012.) I also finally took some time tonight and registered to post on the forums at Life on the Swingset.
I was inspired to respond to a post from a new couple wondering how often people usually get together to play. I had posted about our own approach to this question back in 2009. My response today was this:
… I think there are two parts to the frequency question. First one is, how much time do you and your partner have to engage in this hobby? There are a lot of things to consider. How much do you work? Do you have kids? Will you be going out together or separately. I think a lot of couples are excited when they first start out and find themselves going out night after night. It’s so much fun and can be very exhilarating to go through the ritual of ramping-up your sex appeal and getting your flirt on. But what happens to your family, your house, your private relationship, and your life balance when you go out 4 nights in a row to meet potential new playmates?
The second part of the frequency question has to do with how frequently do you hook up with the “same” playmates. Does it start to get weird if you’re seeing the same couple every Friday night? Do they start to feel like they own you, or do you feel like you can’t break the plans if you want to meet someone else? My husband and I play separately (as well as together), and I find that I prefer to have 3 or 4 men that I am seeing at any given time, simply to avoid getting too serious about any one guy in particular. I may want to play about 2-4 times a month, but seeing the same person that often may turn into something deeper or more intense than I am interested in pursuing.
So ultimately, this is a personal decision and you might find that you need to re-calibrate your frequency comfort level every so often.
You should visit the forums at Life on the Swingset and share your own thoughts. Or feel free to drop a comment here, if you prefer.
Jan
24
Can Swingers Be Happily Married? Long Term?
January 24, 2012 | | Comments Off
Lately, we’ve been hearing a lot about lifestyle break-ups and divorces. It seems that some of the couples we used to know aren’t faring so well. We’ve been out of the loop for a bit and haven’t been privy to rumors and drama. We find ourselves browsing profiles and realizing that the couple we used to know are now playing separately as singles. It makes us sad. I hate the implication that swinging may have somehow been responsible for the split. My husband and I just celebrated our 20th anniversary. We’ve certainly had our ups and downs, both in swinging and outside of it. We began experimenting with inviting other players to the bedroom almost from the very start. So how have we nurtured our relationship (and our sanity) while exploring non-monogamy? I’ll share some ideas below. I’m not sure if my husband would agree or if he would have his own list.
We Were Both Intrigued
Early in our marriage, my husband had found an ad in the City Pages for a Swingers Halloween party. When he brought the idea up to me, I was intrigued. This wasn’t his idea, but a fantasy that we both found intriguing. How did he know that I might be open to the idea of attending a swinger party? Because he had taken time to understand who I was sexually. One of the most common themes that bring people to this blog is some variation of the question, “How do I talk my wife, husband, or partner into swinging?” My advice is to take about 20 steps back and ask yourself a new question, “How can I understand what genuinely turns my partner on, sexually?” Learn to enjoy each other in every way possible. Sex between the two of you should be an exploration in fun, excitement, and familiarity. Once your sex is amazing, try exploring some fantasy talk during sex. What happens when you tell your wife that you love watching her perform oral sex? Does she get turned on and work harder to give you good view? Or does she get shy and ask you not to watch her so intently? How does your wife respond when you ask her if she likes how you are touching or kissing her? Does she moan with an intensity that says unmistakably, yes? Does she shift her position in an attempt to coax you into doing something slightly different? Pay attention to her cues and respond accordingly. Learn how to turn her on. Find out what her fantasies are. I think almost every woman has a longing to be desired. If you can tap into the deep sexuality that exists in her psyche, perhaps you will find out that she is intrigued. But let her find out for herself before you start trying to convince her.
We Allow our Definitions to Shift
My husband and I have a fluid definition of The Lifestyle. We don’t limit ourselves to a single understanding of what it means to be swingers. Early on, we had a couple threesome experiences with close friends. When we got on AOL in the mid-90′s, we spent some time flirting with couples in chatrooms. We even took a road trip to hang out with a couple over the weekend. It was a purely soft-swap experience. I have fond memories of cuddling together as a threesome/foursome in the hotel bed one morning. I’m not even sure if there was any oral sex between partners, just flirting, kissing, and nakedness. We’ve been to house parties, hotel parties, on-premise clubs, and casual bar meets. In 2008, we joined an online community and began attending local events. We decided that we only wanted to play with couples. After about a year or so, we expanded to separate play dates. Swinging can be whatever you want it to be. Don’t worry that you don’t fit some preconceived notion of what being a swinger is all about. Make your own rules, play by them for a while. Then decide if you like them or want to change them.
We Honestly Assess the Good and the Bad
Things don’t always go according to plan. We want our experiences to be sexually satisfying and emotionally gratifying. When we leave the party, we want to come home madly in love with each other and glowing with pleasure. Sure, it happens. And when it does…..WOW! But just try hitting that jackpot twice; It’s not so easy. If you truly want to make it in this Lifestyle, you must be willing to honestly assess the good and bad. When there is friction after a party, discuss it. When your partner asks you what’s wrong, don’t say “nothing” or “I’m fine.” Just honestly express what’s going on. Are you disappointed about something? Did you feel left out? Did something surprise you? Are you hurt? Are you afraid? When your partner explains how they feel, take a moment to process their statement before you react. Remember you love this person! Something upset them, and it may even be something you did. If you didn’t intentionally hurt them, then apologize and consider how you might change your actions next time. Also, don’t just talk when things are difficult. Take time to assess the good times too. What made it work? Can you figure out how to increase your chances of having that much fun the next time too? My husband and I have sometimes realize that what we “think” we like and what we actually like are not always the same thing.
We Don’t Feel the Need to Rush
The great thing about being with someone you love is that you have all the time in the world. My husband and I have been in the Lifestyle “off and on” for 20 years. Some of our breaks have lasted years at a time. Taking a break has never been something that we “consciously” decided to do, but rather the energy in our relationship shifted and it became clear that outside sexual relationships weren’t the right thing for the moment. No need to worry that we’d never get to swing again. We just respected each other and our relationship enough to know that we could spend time together without constant pressure to “decide” if we were “quitting” the Lifestyle or for how long. During our most recent “break”, my husband would sometimes say to me that if I wanted to be done, we could be done. I explained to him that I just wasn’t ready “now” but that I was still open to the idea “someday.” He continued to play during that time, and very often would check in with me. He also admitted that he was sometimes uncomfortable playing if I wasn’t. I let him decide for himself based on my honest feedback. One day, I found myself ready to get out again. I’m not sure why the shift occurred, but it did, and I suspect it came about much sooner than it would have if my husband had constantly been asking me if I was “ready yet?”
Swinging can be an exhilarating experience. It requires sincerity, honesty, vulnerability, strength, forgiveness, and patience. It allows for a deepened understanding of love, commitment, and selflessness. I sometimes wonder if it’s easier to stay married longer because we’re willing to allow for non-monogamy. Are we somehow lazier than monogamous couples? I really don’t think so. When I consider the level of communication required to maintain this Lifestyle, I realize that we aren’t lazier or less committed. In fact, by committing our relationship on the deepest, most permanent level, while allowing for sexual expression outside of each other, we are given a unique opportunity to experience a level of trust and connection that is unparalleled by many.
Jan
16
New Blog Feature – e[lust]
January 16, 2012 | | Comments Off
Hello all! I am very excited to include the most recent edition of e[lust] in the post below! It’s my first time publishing with them. I sent this post to be published in the Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships section. Happy reading!
Jan
16
e[lust] #32
January 16, 2012 | | Comments Off
Photo courtesy of Lady Grinning Soul
Welcome to e[lust], the sex blog round-up- The best posts from the hottest and smartest sex bloggers all in one place! This edition highlights topics such as libido, fake orgasms, teenage lust, voyeurism, BDSM consent and so much more. Want to be included in e[lust] #33? Start with the rules, come back in February to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!
~ The Top Three Posts ~
Assent Matters by SherynB - Find your emotional power to recognize and say “no” to what you don’t want BEFORE you get naked and tied up and give up your actual physical power to walk away to anybody.
Forever The Night - ‘Why the hell shouldn’t I listen? This is my home, my bedroom after all’. So I do listen and I do feel myself twitch at every minute sound on the other side of that fucking wall.
Hands. Fingers. Pleasure. - This was the first time a boy's fingers had such unfettered access to my pussy. Prior gropings under and through clothes had never been like this.
~ e[lust] Editress ~
The Fake Orgasm: You think you know, but you have no idea - I am 34 and I have faked orgasms. There ya have it. But I have never and will never qualify doing so as “I did it for him”.
~ Featured Post (Picked by Lilly) ~
Sadie Says... Awake - In the haze of my missing libido I also lost myself. I began to wonder if I remembered who the hell I was?
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!
Kink & Fetish
Connection, Intimacy & Trust
DQ Earns a Pass from Chasity
Five Little Words
Naked and kinky in a busy sex shop
Sharp Tongues and Good Pain
Sexual violence
The Duke Story
'Twas the Night Before Kinky
The Pink Elephant
Who I Am
Who Are You to Change Us?
Waking You
Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships
Busy Writing
Help! My Vibrator Won't Work
Men and Visual Stimulation
Slippery and sticky and covered in lube
The Safe Zone - Giving Yourself Permission To Screw Up in Non-Monogamy
Until Death Do Us Part
Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor
Interview With Senior Sexuality Advocate Joan Price
Erotic Writing
21
A Read to Remember
Aurelia (A Dirty Kind Of Grace part 1)
A Fistful
banana bread
Christmas Day
Last night in Cap D'Adge
Later On In The Evening
Meat Hooks & Butcher's Twine
Reside
Sugarbutch Star: blckndblue, The Pink Dress
she and he and me...
Surprise Orgasm
wind
Jan
9
Threesome Experiences in Swinging
January 9, 2012 | | Comments Off
Swinging generally conjures up the idea of two straight couples swapping partners for sex. If you watch a lot of Dateline NBC or 48 hours, you might have the image of suburban homes where swingers secretly meet to have flexible sex-couplings with other swingers. My husband and I have experienced both these scenarios, as well as clubs and parties. One thing that is probably more common in the swinging world than most people might realize is the threesome. There are a variety of reasons that this type of experience works well for couples. It gives some the opportunity to experiment with bi-sexual play. It might be a way to bring a long held sexual fantasy into reality. Sometimes it just works well because its hard to find the 4-way connection desired for a full-swap.
My husband and I had our first 3-some about 18 years ago, when we had been married less than two years. We played a couple times with his ex-girlfriend and a couple times with a guy from his work. It was very fun to experiment with my husband sexually in that way. It was so much fun to share such a naughty secret with him. During the last three years, as my husband and I have become more active in our local Lifestyle scene, we’ve had a few more opportunities to enjoy this type of playtime. My husband has become a huge fan of watching me play with other men and joining the fun. I’m certainly not one to complain about the chance to be the center of attention, but finding the right partner(s) can be challenging.
We’ve been posting some ads on Craigslist trying to find a good fit, but haven’t had a lot of luck. This guy turned out to be a lot of fun, until he moved away. Since then, I haven’t been able to find an ad or response that intrigued me enough to get out there. Swinging for us is about more than just fucking. Sure, the physical act of sex is fun and feels really good, but there has to be some chemistry there as well.
On Saturday, I got a text from an old friend who lives nearby. We had met him and his wife a couple years ago and hung out with them a couple times. He had the house to himself and was wondering if I’d like to come hang out in the hot tub for a while. When I told him that I wanted to bring my hubby along, he agreed and we planned to meet around 9:30pm. We met at his house where he had a glass of red wine ready for me, and after a few pleasantries, the three of us took off our clothes and climbed in the hot tub. I was a little nervous because we hadn’t played together in a while, but eventually I was able to relax and the three of us had a VERY nice time.
Details forthcoming…
Jan
8
Female Sexuality in the Lifestyle — Are there any straight females?
January 8, 2012 | | Comments Off
There is a lot of bi-sexual female energy in the Lifestyle. It seems there is some type of girl-on-girl action to be found at pretty much any Lifestyle get-together. The majority of couples’ profiles online list the wife as bi-sexual. Some add further clarification, identifying themselves as bi-curious, others might prefer to call themselves bi-comfortable. I’ve even heard bi-selfish and bi-situational?? On swinger sites like Lifestyle Lounge, you can find discussion forums filled with threads trying to decipher the various degrees to which a woman might express her bi-sexuality. I’m not a big fan of labels. Just play with who you want, when you want, and how you want. Why does it matter what its called? Then again, I suppose labels are helpful for figuring out which couples are a good match for how you like to play. Which is precisely why our online profiles have always listed me as straight.
I remember liking boys from a very young age. When I am in a room full of people, I am drawn to the men. I want to stand close to them, I want to touch them, I want to smell them. When I meet one that I find attractive, I want to do lots of other things with him! 
Even in my vanilla life, I tend to gravitate toward men. Maybe I’m just more comfortable around men because I have a lot of them in my life? I have been perfectly content to limit my lifestyle play to men.
I’ve noticed a slight shift in my mindset recently. At least two times in the last week, I’ve told my husband that I might be going bi-something. This is a shocking turn of events! I’ve met some beautiful women in this lifestyle. I’ve admired their bodies, I’ve even playfully cupped their soft, voluptuous breasts, but I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to passionately kiss another woman. No matter how much my husband has expressed his full support of me going bi, I haven’t felt the desire.
At the pre-NYE party we attended, I met a sexy woman in the ladies’ room. I had already spent some time admiring her from afar via her and her husband’s online profile. I introduced myself and expressed how pretty I thought she was. When I left the restroom, I told my husband that he should fuck her. Well, guess what? He doesn’t think he’s that into her. I just can’t comprehend it. I think she is gorgeous and sexy as hell. When I was trying to explain this to my husband, I realized something. I think I’ve been trying to get my husband to fuck the women that I actually want to play with myself!?
I don’t want to do anything crazy with her, but a nice soft kiss on the lips along with feeling her soft body next to mine might be nice. Could I possibly be opening up to the possibilities of some female playtime? Perhaps, or maybe it’s just time for a little experimentation. We went to a small get-together last night in St. Paul. There was an incredibly cute girl there with dark hair and a playful attitude. She had asked me for some help with her hair, and I found myself intrigued by her. I didn’t act on this intrigue, but there was the tiniest bit of electricity tempting me to let my touch linger as I adjusted her tube top.
I know some men feel somewhat left out by all the bi-sexual play between women in this lifestyle. My husband has never expressed a fear of being left out. He loves to see two women kissing passionately or playfully sucking each others nipples. Of course, he and I are both big time voyeurs, so that helps. Plus he’s never really had to share his playmates with me. We are pretty much either straight swap or separate dates altogether. Even with this new turn of events, he probably still won’t have to share. It seems we have slightly different taste in women anyway.
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Sabrina says: Stay tuned! Who knows if I will act on these feelings or if they will remain in the realm of fantasy?
Jan
4
Is it still swinging if you don’t have sex?
January 4, 2012 | | 1 Comment
Sometimes I forget to update my blog when we go out and “nothing” happens. It might surprise some people to know that swingers don’t have sex every time they go out to a club or an event. The last two times we’ve gone out, there was no sex involved whatsoever.
Last Friday night, we headed out to a pre-NYE part about an hour away from our house. We hadn’t booked a room, so the plan was to attend the party and come home at the end of the night. We were certainly open to some naked, naughty fun if we happened to get an invite, but it just didn’t work out that way. This happens quite a bit actually, and mostly we don’t mind at all. Friday night was our first real party in over a year. We’ve been away from the scene for a while. Not out of swinging entirely, but just not very active on the sites, and not attending many events. It was a bit intimidating to think about how few people we might know. Nonetheless, we were excited to get back out there. We had accepted an invite to a pre-party in the hotel room of a couple we used to know pretty well (but who we’ve never played with), so we stopped by there to have a few drinks before the real party. We knew no one in the room, except the hosts, and we barely knew them. In fact, I had to admit to the Mrs. that although I knew their screen name, I couldn’t remember their real names. She seemed relieved and admitted that she didn’t know ours either. We spent some time getting reacquainted with her and I introduced myself to a couple new folks, then we headed down the hall to another room where some friends of ours were staying. We’ve played twice with this couple, but the vibe has since shifted and we don’t have the same attraction we once did. My husband and I hung out for a bit and had some drinks in their room with two other couples before deciding to go to the actual event-party.
Once we were at the event, we felt like total newbies. There were a couple familiar faces, but no real friends. One guy we used to know chatted with us a bit and we met his new girlfriend. I have no idea what happened to his former wife/girlfriend, and we don’t really know him well enough to ask. It was mostly polite chat and catching up. The guy is incredibly nice, but a little weird, and not my type at all. He laughed about how my husband and I had seemed to simply drop off the map and disappear. It’s true. We were focusing on our family, not because anything was wrong, but simply because we were busy. I started to enjoy being home more than I enjoyed going out. We had better things to spend our money on than parties, drinks, sexy clothes, and hotels. We hadn’t given up swinging as a lifestyle choice, but had taken a break from the “scene”.
A bit later in the night, we spent some time talking to one of the new couples we had met at the pre-party. In reality, we were mostly talking to her. I actually thought the Mr. was highly attractive, but he was busy chatting with another lady and when he was done with her, he excused himself to go get some drinks. When he never came back, his wife eventually excused herself as well, and we wondered if we had been ditched?
We had noticed a third couple sitting by themselves earlier and decided to go introduce ourselves. They were very nice and very normal! She was dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a top. I am always so impressed with women who don’t have to try so fucking hard to look sexy. The four of us talked for quite a while. We talked about our lifestyle experiences, where we live (they are actually pretty close by), and a bunch of other normal, suburban, non sexual stuff. It was fun! They were sexy in a normal, fun kind of way. There wasn’t an intense kind of instant chemistry, but it was comfortable and easy. The guy was quiet and attractive. I get the sense that we could have some fun together and our chemistry would probably increase once we had some time to get to know each other more “intimately”. I actually thought we might hook up with these guys, but somehow at the end of the night we all went our separate ways without even a kiss goodnight.
When we were newer to the Lifestyle, it used to drive me crazy to leave a party without playing. I would feel like I had wasted the evening because I didn’t get any action. My husband never felt this way. In fact, I used to sometimes think that he preferred the nights when we didn’t play. We’ve had some tense moments driving home from parties; I would say that we had left too early because the playtime hadn’t started; He would say that if playtime was going to happen, it should have started a lot sooner. We were usually leaving around 2am, so I’ll let you decide who was right. I didn’t feel that way on Friday night. I was ready to go home. We’d had a fun night. We saw some old friends, met some new people, and did a lot of people watching. I still want to play when we go out, but if it doesn’t happen, it’s not such a big deal anymore. I know that there will be other opportunities. I also know that people are generally pretty shy, so if I am interested, I’m probably going to have to make the first move.
Jan
2
New Year’s Resolutions for Lifestyle Couples and Swingers
January 2, 2012 | | Comments Off
Want to improve the quality of your lifestyle interactions this year? Maybe it’s time to make some new year’s resolutions focusing on your sex life. Here are a few to consider.
Get Philosophical About Sex
Take some time this year to figure out why you want to be a swinger. What is it about this lifestyle that makes it the best way to express your own unique sexuality. If someone were to ask you why you are a swinger, what would your answer be? Sex is fun, of course, but challenge yourself to go deeper. Do you find value in challenging social norms? Do you want to expand the definition of love? Does swinging empower you? If so, how? Is open sexuality part of your own personal development journey? Once you’ve done that, think about how you might respond to some of the more common arguments against an open non-monogamous approach to sexuality. Create your own personal swinging manifesto!
Be more open
Sometimes we get into a lifestyle-rut. We look endlessly at profiles, trying to decide if we want to meet a particular couple. We think about going to parties, but then decide that maybe we shouldn’t because we might not know enough people there. We start to worry that we should be fucking a certain type of person, or not fucking another type of person. Swinging is supposed to be fun! Make a pact with yourself and your spouse to be more open this year. Shift your attitude a bit and decide embrace two simple words: “why not?” If you see a profile that looks interesting, send them an email. If a couple invites you for a drink, accept the invitation. If you sense some chemistry, make a move — flirt, smile, offer a kiss, invite someone to play….or not. Realize that not every interaction needs to end up in the bedroom. You will have more fun if you open yourself up to the possibilities of more frequent, quality interactions with real people. You’ll probably end up playing more too, simply because you’ll get out of your own way.
Introduce yourself to more people
When we first started attending Lifestyle events in our area, we didn’t know anyone. Instead of hanging in the corner waiting for someone to come say hi to us, we made it a point to introduce ourselves to people. It takes a little bit of courage, but like anything else it becomes easier with practice. This one piece of advice will vastly improve your experience in the Lifestyle because you will meet more people, you will make more friends, and you will become much less self-conscious. I found that I became more outgoing and friendly in vanilla (non-swinger) situations after practicing this habit at lifestyle events. My suggestion is to introduce yourself to anyone with whom you make eye contact at a party or event. Simply smile, extend your hand and say, “Hello, I’m (YOURNAME) here….and this is my husband/wife (HISNAMEHERE).” If you are at a smaller party (less than 50 people), I would challenge you to introduce yourself to everyone in the room.
Pick your partners with care
Once you’ve figured out why you want to be a swinger, opened yourself up to the possibilities, and introduced yourself to a bunch of new people, you’ll have a much clearer idea about who you want to play with and who you don’t. It’s my personal philosophy to choose playmates that I think have a strong potential to knock my socks off! That doesn’t mean they necessarily have the best body, but there is something about them that makes me want to get with them between the sheets. It might be their smile, their kiss, the way they think, or the way they smell. Anticipation can be the best aphrodisiac, so before you fuck anyone, make sure you really WANT to fuck them. It’s always okay to skip out on the sex, even if you are a swinger.
Take Charge of Your Sexual Health
Sexual health is important for all people, but especially for swingers. When you expand your circle of fuck-partners, you are increasing your potential exposure to sexually transmitted infections. It’s a question that is always at the forefront of any discussion of non-monogamy. My response is to acknowledge that swinging is a riskier hobby than say reading or gardening, but like any other risky hobby (skydiving, scuba diving, downhill skiing), there are ways to minimize risk while still enjoying the adrenaline rush. Take time this year to learn about the various types of STIs – are they viral or bacterial, what are the symptoms, how are they spread, how are they treated? Learn which sexual activities are riskiest and also which methods of protection are available. Most of us know about male condoms, but have you ever tried a female condom or dental dam? Make an appointment with a health practitioner that you trust. Talk to them honestly about your sexual activities. Create a plan for regular testing as often as your doctor recommends.
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Do you have a New Year’s Resolution for your sex life? I’d love to hear about it. Leave a comment!
Jan
1
Finding Swingers Online — For Free?
January 1, 2012 | | Comments Off
Question received via Twitter:
Q: Do you recommend any free swinger web sites for the U.S. I’m cheap!
A: Hubby and I have used a lot of online resources to find playmates. We even once took a road trip to meet a couple in Illinois that we met in an AOL chatroom. The internet is filled with websites that could be classified as “swinger sites”. I assume the reader is asking about social networking sites for meeting other swingers. This post will focus on sharing our experience with several of these sites. But first, I want to highlight some great swinger sites that are in a slightly different genre.
Swinger’s Resource Sites
Swinging is a very special way to explore and express sexuality. It’s outside the norm and is unique for each person and couple. Some swingers only do soft-swapping (no sexual intercourse), others only play as 4somes in the same room, still others (like hubby and I) play together, but also have solo-trysts. When a couple wants to start swinging, there can be a lot of questions. Even experienced swingers run into unique situations that require additional thought and consideration. Here are a few of the sites that I have personally found to be helpful resources for exploring the philosophy and practicality of swinging as a lifestyle choice.
I’m more familiar with some of these sites than others. I anticipate additional commentary about each of these sites in the future as I continue to utilize them as my own personal resource library. But for now, I’ll just give you a little quickie-look-see so you can bookmark.
Swingers Board – an active, supportive discussion forum with people from all walks of life
Life on the Swingset – a multi-contributor site with tons of information in the form of blogs, podcasts, and articles
GentleNibbles – a diverse blog that includes advice, stories, and articles about the Lifestyle
Swingercast – a podcast series about swinging
Now on to the real question: Where do I find people to swing with??
Finding Local Swingers Online
When Hubby and I started swinging in the early 90′s, swingers placed ads in magazines. We placed our first ad in the swinger magazine Midwest Connection. Midwest Connection used a double-blind mailbox system so that we could receive mail without any of the respondents knowing our home address. We received only one response and it was from a single male who we weren’t interested in meeting. I love telling that story because it is amazing to think how much the internet has made swinging so much more accessible (and fun).
I could probably name at least a dozen social networking sites for swingers, and there are probably hundreds I don’t even know about. Hubby and I have profiles on 3 or 4 sites, but regularly only check a couple of them. The trick is trying to figure out which one best fits your personal situation. Some sites are more exclusive to couples, while others are more singles-friendly. Different sites are more popular in different areas of the country. I suggest checking out several sites. Notice how many profiles are in your area and how much recent online activity is going on. Go to some local events and ask around. If you can find out which one or two sites are most popular in your area, you won’t waste your money joining a site with no action.
Our Personal Experiences and Recommendations
Craigslist: We’ve tried using Craigslist to find people, and it is free, but it takes a lot of time for a very little payoff. If you are truly cheap, you can use Craigslist, but expect to spend a lot of time without a lot of action. Craigslist can also be a pretty dangerous place, so please be very careful! Meet in a public place, maybe even a few times, let someone know where you will be and when to expect you back. While Craigslist may work occasionally for a single hook-up, if you want to make friends and truly become a part of your local lifestyle scene, you should consider joining a site.
Lifestyle Lounge: Lifestyle Lounge (or LL) is a very user-friendly, feature-rich site. You can upload public and private photos, send emails, texts, and instant messages. There are event postings and booty calls. This is an extremely popular site in our local area, but there are members all over the US. We joined this site in 2008 and instantly became addicted. Once our free trial ended, we immediately paid the one-year subscription fee. Your profile will remain on LL even if you let your paid membership lapse, but the functionality goes way down. We haven’t been paid members for the past year or so, and I would say the site is essentially unusable without a paid membership. We would like to get back on LL, and while the site seems a little expensive, it’s really only $15.83/month if you sign up for a year at a time.
If you want to check out Lifestyle Lounge, you can get a free 2 week trial membership when you sign up with a referral code. (Free trial is normally 1 week without the code.) The link above has our referral code embedded, which is pretty cool too because if you sign up for a paid membership with our referral code, we can earn points toward a FREE lifetime membership! That would make me almost as happy as my Hitachi Magic Wand!
Swing Life Style: This site is also known as SLS for short. There are a ton of people on this site and you can have some limited functionality for free. I can’t really say that I recommend this site, but its mainly because we haven’t spent enough time there to know much about it. We’ve never paid for a membership here, so we haven’t enjoyed the full functionality. It seems like a decent place to start out, if you don’t like Lifestyle Lounge for whatever reason.
We’ve also created profiles on some other sites, but the results have been lackluster. For the purposes of this blog, I dug through my email archives to take another look at some of those sites.
I found an old link to GroupSensual.com which I don’t even remember joining or ever visiting. It looks like the site has basically turned into a link farm for porn. We also have a profile on SwingerZoneCentral, but I’ve never really spent any time browsing the site. When I logged in today, we had 8 new messages, but they were all from the administrators. There were 1679 users online, 59 booty call listings for today, and 30 events. It definitely appears there are some people using this site, so it might be worth checking out. For us personally, even though there are quite a few local profiles (636 members “in my area” – 300 within 50 miles), I noticed that most of them don’t have any photos, which basically makes this no more helpful than Craigslist. The events and booty calls listed on this site are all more than 300 miles from me. This is a prime example of the importance of location-specificity. Most of us in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area are on other sites, so even though SwingerZoneCentral is cheaper, it’s not really a better value. Finally, I have to mention Adult Friend Finder (or AFF). I don’t know what’s going on with that site, and I don’t really want to. AFF calls itself “The World’s Largest Sex Dating Site & Swinger Personals Community”. It feels like a giant porn conglomerate with links that say things like “Get Laid Now” and little pop-ups that say things like “Hi there! I’m looking for some hot sexy fun tonight. Click here to send me a message.” I don’t know if there are real people looking to hook up on AFF, but there is a testimonial from a guy saying how much he likes watching the “live sex webcam shows”. I hate Adult Friend Finder so much that I’m not even providing a link to it here. I checked out their affiliate program thinking….hey maybe I can get some click-thru $$$ on this blog post, but decided I don’t want to sell my integrity for $1 per click. I do know one friend of ours who has found some playmates on AFF, but we’ve never used it.
We also have some local sites that we frequent, which are great, but very specific to the Minneapolis/St. Paul area. They are mostly attached to specific events or parties. They are really only useful if you are from the area or will be traveling here. Keep in mind though that swingers are usually pretty careful about keeping our party locations private. Being a member of a site like Lifestyle Lounge can give you the inside scoop on places to visit locally and when you travel.
Sabrina Says
So to sum up, there are some great “free” swinger sites that offer resources, advice, and articles: Swingers Board, Life on the Swingset, GentleNibbles, and Swingercast. But if you want to meet and play with other swingers, you’re probably going to be happiest if you can find a quality membership-based site that is popular in your local area.
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If you are a swinger, I would love to have you leave a comment with your own experiences. Where do you go online to find playmates? Which sites are most popular in your area? — Also, I’ve spent a couple hours on this entry and I’m too tired to proofread, so if you find a spelling error or typo, will you please email me at sabrinaswings-AT-gmail so that I can correct it? Thank you!