Aug

22

Forgot How to Flirt

August 22, 2010 | | 1 Comment

I think I may have forgotten how to flirt.

I tend to ignore inviting texts from friends who want to engage in a little flirtation.  I’m just bored and can’t quite figure out how to enjoy this kind of exchange lately.

I used to enjoy naughty thoughts at work about certain men.  Lately, I just interact with them and not a single naughty thought crosses my mind at all.

How do I get back my flirtatious side?

Aug

16

Top Ten Items for the Prepared Swinger

August 16, 2010 | | Leave a Comment

While swinging is sometimes spontaneous, it’s often really nice to show up to a playdate or party well prepared.  Following is a list of items I like to keep in our sex-bag.  I have a leather backpack that I keep packed at all times so I can grab it at a moment’s notice.  Take a look at my suggestions and let me know your thoughts and ideas in the comments.

1. Condoms : Whether you are male or female, you want to have at least a couple different kind of condoms in your bag.  Be sure to include a non-latex brand for those who are allergic or sensitive.  Why does a woman need condoms in her bag?  Isn’t that the guys job?  Well, yes.  However, I don’t want to have to quit when things start to heat up just because my playmate didn’t bring his own condoms.  Plus, when the lady brings her own, she can make sure they are fresh (haven’t been in his wallet since junior high) and have been stored properly (not in a hot glove compartment all summer).  Plus, don’t forget the Female Condom provides even more protection against STIs that are spread by skin to skin contact like Herpes and HPV.  I’ve heard they feel better too!

2. Lube: So many kinds and so many reasons!  My bag currently has a small bottle of Astroglide, two kinds of KY Touch Massage, plus KY yours+mine his and hers lube.  Remember, not only does lube help sex feel better, it also helps make sure the condom doesn’t break.

3. Intimate Wipes: I’m not a huge fan of “intimate wipes”, but a lot of people seem to like them.  It is nice to be able to freshen up a bit before and after fun.  If you’re like me and prefer something a bit more natural, maybe pack a fresh washcloth in a ziplock with a bar of mild soap.

4. Gum, mints, or better yet, toothbrush and toothpaste.   Nothing sweeter than a fresh mouth when you are kissing.  Also nice for freshening up after oral sex.

5. Massage lotion or oil.   A little something to make sure every inch of your body is super soft and kissable.  This can also be a nice addition to foreplay if you happen to be lucky enough to have a playmate who likes to give massages.  Just be sure that whatever you use is safe for condoms.  No mineral oil or other petroleum based products.  They can weaken latex condoms.

6. Vibrator.  Before, during, and after!  More than once, I have found myself wishing I had Mr Hitachi with me to finish the job.  ;)

7. Chapstick or lipgloss: Keep your lips in kiss-ready condition at all times.  Have fun with flavors too!

8. Towel: Especially for those of us who tend to “gush” with excitement.  My dream purchase is one of these Liberator Fascinator Throes.  It’s a waterproof throw that is satin on one side and super soft plush on the other.  One of these days I am going to splurge and get myself one of these.  In the meantime, a towel does the job.

9. Clean panties:  I like to have a fresh pair of panties to put on for the drive home.  I usually start playing while I’m still dressed and (if my playmate is doing his job right) my panties get nice and wet before they are taken off.  It’s nice to put something fresh on at the end of the night.

10.  Candles and matches.  Candelight is the best kind of light to fuck by.  It makes everything seem a little sexier and helps make the body look soft and glowy.  Jar candles (which I’ve always thought were incredibly stupid) are actually the perfect type for bringing along to add a little ambiance to that cheap motel room.  Enjoy the additional sensory stimulation a scented candle can provide.

Aug

15

Sex and Handcuffs With Mr BadBoy

August 15, 2010 | | Leave a Comment

What is it about bondage and domination that makes sex so incredibly hot sometimes?  Is it because pain and fear incite a rush of adreneline and that rush causes a shift in the pleasure centers of the brain?  I’m not a neurologist, so I can’t explain why pain and pleasure seem to be so intimately entwined.   I can, however, give you a little taste of one experience I had with a very naughty playmate who surprised me one night when I visited his place for a playdate.  I blogged about my first date with MrBadBoy way back in November in this post.   I suppose it was a few weeks to a couple months later when the story I am about to tell you happened.

Our first date was a morning playdate,  the second time I went over in the evening.  Once again, he met me outside and walked me into his basement apartment.  The lights were low and some candles were burning.  He started out by pressing me up against the wall and kissing me.  Some men are soft and slow when they kiss, which can be incredibly sexy and erotic.  Other men, like MrBadBoy, have kisses that are hard, intense, and more intrusive.   MrBadboy has a way of taking charge that encourages me to melt into a pool of submission.   His hands intertwine in my hair, softly at first, but then suddenly pulling so that my head twists.  With my head at this angle, he can whisper in my ear.   What does he whisper?  “Are you going to be a good girl and do what you are told tonight?”  I nod, carefully, so that I don’t intensify the pain of my hair being pulled.  It doesn’t matter though, because my nod isn’t the answer my bad boy is looking for.  “I can’t hear you,” he says with a hard edge in his voice while giving my hair another tug.  “Yes,” I whisper, then quickly say again a bit louder so that I’m sure he can hear me.  His grip on my hair loosens slightly, but his hand remains there as a warning.

Just that little exchange up against the wall made me such a happy girl.  It’s difficult to find playmates in this lifestyle with whom there is real, intense chemistry.  MrBadBoy’s immediate willingness to show me how the night was going to proceed made my heart race with anticipation and my cunt start lubricating itself with sweet wetness.  We kissed for a while in his living room.  I went down to my knees and buried my face against his growing cock.  With painstaking slowness, I made my way inside his pants to suck his cock.  There was porn playing on the television, and when I caught a glimpse of the screen, I saw a woman down on her knees doing just what I was doing at the time.  MrBadBoy likes to make sure I know when I’m pleasing him by telling me what a good girl I am.  BadBoy and GoodGirl, such a fucking hot combination.

Eventually we moved into his bedroom and we switched roles, him burying his face in my pussy and making me cum over and over with his mouth and hand.  When we were finally ready to fuck, he moved his body on top of mine and placed his hands firmly around my wrists.  I so love the feeling of being held down while getting fucked.  I like to be a bit insolent and move my wrists, daring my playmate to intensify his grip.   I playfully resisited against his grip for a while, but MrBadBoy made sure I wasn’t going to win that game.  He reached his hand under the pillow and pulled out a pair of handcuffs.  These weren’t the kind of handcuffs you buy in an adult toy store.  These were the real deal…..the kind of hand-cuffs that need a real key to open.   How did I know they were real?  Because I know what MrBadBoy does for a living and it requires real, working handcuffs.  He placed them on so that my wrists were shackled above my head and proceeded to make me squirm and cum and scream with pleasure.   Every move I made seemed to tighten the handcuffs until I had to politely request that they be taken off.   MrBadBoy immediately complied and tenderly removed the handcuffs.

I’m not sure if all dominant men are the type to become immediately tender once the domination is over, but that is what works for me.  I need to know that when I’m done, my partner will immediately comply and move to a more tender, caring, gentle sex that makes me feel precious and appreciated and glowing with endorphins.  Wonderful, wonderful stuff when it’s with the right partner.

Aug

13

Open Sexuality and Human Experience

August 13, 2010 | | 9 Comments

I have been giving a ton of thought to this blog and where it’s going.  My husband and I went out for an appetizer last night and I was questioning the purpose of this site/blog.  Certainly, the stories can be fun and titillating, but isn’t there a deeper purpose?  Does there need to be?

I have a strong belief that art of any kind exists to share human experience.  Blogging is an art and should exist for more than just the vanity of the artist/blogger.  What I am trying to avoid is the blog that says: “Here is my life.  You should be interested.”  If I don’t have anything to say, then I really have no business blogging.  So what is it I’m trying to say?  Why do I feel compelled to write, blog, share?  What is it that is inside me trying to get out?

In an attempt to tease this out a bit, I began asking my husband questions while we were eating our queso dip and salsa.  I think I actually freaked him out a bit.  It seemed like he had no idea why I was asking him all these questions to which he had no answers.  And when he tried to answer, I just quickly added another question, probing deeper and deeper looking for the answer that would strike a nerve with me.

Why are we swingers? Because it can be fun.  Why am I blogging about swinging?  So people can read about our swinging.  Why should they read about it?  So they know that normal people can be swingers.  Why do they need to know that?  Ummm…..What do I have to offer people? Why should they read?  Because we have a happy marriage and that’s sometimes rare.  Is our marriage happy because we swing? No. Are we swingers because we have a happy marriage? Maybe.  What if we stop swinging? We’ll still be happy.  Then what happens to the blog?  Do I have insight on sex outside of swinging? Yes.

And boom! It hit me.  I found what it is about this blog that inspires me.  I want to open sexuality up for people.  Our sexuality is something we are all born with and all die with.  It is lasting and unique and individual.  Every single person has a sexual self.  Some have sex with one other person.  Some have sex with lots of other people.  Some only have sex with themselves.  Even those who are celibate, whether by choice or circumstance, have a sexual experience that is partly defined by the absence of sexual activity.  There are countless expressions of human sexuality.  It is so beyond male vs. female and monogamy vs. non monogamy.  I want this blog to be a space where sexuality is opened up for exploration, conversation, introspection.  Currently, my sexual experience happens to include swinging within the realm of a very happy, long term marriage, but it hasn’t always been expressed this way and it may not always be.   Who knows?  But I don’t want this blog to stop when/if my husband and I ever stop swinging. My sexuality is an intensely dynamic part of my existence.  I have always been very aware of the electricity which exists in the space between and among the genders.  I want to explore how sexuality informs human existence across time and space.

And that, my dear readers, is what I strive to do here.  You with me??

Aug

12

Sexually Transmitted Diseases and Swinging

August 12, 2010 | | Leave a Comment

By far one of the most common questions/concerns regarding the lifestyle or swinging activities is the issue of sexually transmitted infections or STIs (formerly known as STDs).

First, I must say that there is ABSOLUTELY no way to know for 100% certain that someone is disease free. Even if they have paperwork showing negative test results, they may have picked something up since their last encounter that even they don’t know about.

This is our my philosophy on STIs. My husband and I have slightly differing views on STIs, so I am going to add a disclaimer that this is just my own thoughts. Those thoughts are also constantly shifting. I accept that there is some risk inherent in this hobby of ours. We do whatever we can to reduce that risk as much as possible. First and foremost that means using condoms for every encounter, no matter what!  This is a non-negotiable for us. Pretty much like putting a seat-belt on when we get in the car.  Just like any other dangerous hobby - downhill skiing, motorcycle riding, parachuting - there are ways to increase your safety while still enjoying the thrill and rush.

Also, I educate myself about the diseases infections that are out there; How are they spread? Fluid exchange or skin to skin contact? How are they treated? Bacterial infections are cured up with a dose of antibiotics, just like an ear infection or strep throat. Although there is a huge stigma attached to STIs, it seems to me that embarrassment is really the biggest “issue” with them as long as you don’t let them fester for a very long time. Viruses, on the other hand, can’t be cured by antibiotics. These include HSV, HPV, and HIV. Two of these (HSV and HPV) don’t even require fluid exchange to be spread. Which means that, you aren’t really protecting yourself when you wear a condom. Sure, you are probably increasing your protection, but even if the condom does it’s job perfectly, you could still pick something up.

All this being said, I think the most important thing is that, if you are going to pursue this lifestyle, you need to find a doctor or clinic you trust where you can get regular STI testing. Just get the tests done and do what needs doing to monitor and support your own sexual health. When I told my doctor that my husband -monogamous relationship, she recommended annual testing unless I noticed any symptoms.

My first official tests were in May of 2009. I was tested for syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, HSV 1 and 2, HIV. Because I had some unusual vaginal discharge, I also got tested for yeast, trichomonosis, and bacterial vaginosis. (Also cholesterol and insulin).

In July of 2010, I was tested for syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, HSV 1 and 2, and HIV. This year my doctor also added Hepatitis B and Hepatitis C and recommended a Hep B vaccine once the test came back negative. (Also cholesterol and Vitamin D.)

My hubby is not comfortable speaking to his doctor about our lifestyle, so he went to the local Planned Parenthood clinic for his testing and is due again in November.

Aug

10

The Danger of the Build-Up

August 10, 2010 | | 2 Comments

So a week ago on Sunday, I posted a booty-call looking for some fun with a new guy. As is usually the case with booty calls, it seemed to take forever to get a response. I did eventually get a response from a single guy whose profile sounded great and whose pics seemed perfectly normal enough. Since it was later in the evening, and my husband works early, the single guy and I made plans to hook up on Thursday night instead. My husband and I agreed to drive out to his place on Thursday night for a potential hook-up depending on how things went.

The single guy and I spent the rest of the week flirting via text message and getting ourselves all worked up for Thursday night. He seemed like he was going to be great. He was attentive and flirtatious via text. He asked me what kind of wine I might like and said he would make sure to have whatever I wanted. During the early part of the week, I was really looking forward to meeting him and was excited about the prospect of finding a new regular “boyfriend”. My husband was concerned that the guy was getting “expectations.” I thought he might be too, but I knew that I could decide to leave at any time.

Thursday night finally arrived, and although I had to work later than expected, we arrived at his place around 9pm. Unfortunately, the minute he opened the door, I realized that I wasn’t really attracted to him. Damn! This isn’t the first time that I’ve built up a sexual connection with a guy via texting, only to have the connection fall flat once we actually met in person. Despite my initial desire to immediately turn around and go back home, my husband and I entered the apartment. I gave our new friend a quick embrace, and I have to admit that he did smell nice. Just as he promised, he had chocolate and a bottle of Riesling. He poured me a glass and also offered my husband something to drink. (He chose water.)

I walked into his livingroom and took a set on one end of the couch. My husband took a seat on a nearby chair, leaving the spot next to me on the couch for the potential “victim.” (Seems like this is the standard seating arrangement for when we are meeting a guy for 3somes.) The single guy followed us in from the kitchen and, very respectfully, asked if he could take the spot next to me on the couch. I started spouting off about work and how it had been a long, stressful day for me. Basically trying to do whatever I could to keep the conversation OFF anything sexy.

The single guy then made a move that exponentially increased his chances of getting his dick inside me: He offered to rub my feet. I absolutely love having my feet rubbed and would love to find a guy who really, really wants to caress, kiss, and pamper my feet. I believe I could probably orgasm just from a good foot rub alone, but I have never had someone willing to provide that level of attention. I adjusted my position and brought my feet up to his lap. He started slow, and his hands were a bit clammy. I tried to relax and find out just exactly what kind of tricks this man might have up his sleeve. Sure, I wasn’t immediately attracted to him, but perhaps with the right attention paid to my feet, my pussy could be persuaded. He took one of my feet in his hands and began his “massage.” I tried to enjoy. I tried to be patient, waiting for him to adjust the pressure and style to my liking. Waited. Wished. Hoped. Finally, I realized that his foot rubbing skills weren’t up to par. This wasn’t going anywhere. Quite spontaneously, I simply said something like, “Well, I can tell this isn’t going to happen tonight for me.” I thanked him for his time and for waiting for us (even though we were an hour late). I even gave him a kiss good night and complimented him on his sexy smell. He did deliver as promised on the cologne, the wine, and the chocolate. Perhaps I didn’t give him an opportunity to deliver on the rest, but if the chemistry isn’t there, it’s just not there. It’s just unfortunate that I let it build up for nearly a week via texting. This happened one other time where the texting was hot and fun and the pictures seemed nice enough, but in person there was just no chemistry. I think it would be smartest for me to postpone the text flirtation until AFTER I’ve met someone and determined that there is some chemistry.

Not a bad way to spend 30 minutes of an evening. (Not including the 30 minute drive each way, of course.) I really wanted to spend time with my husband anyway.

Aug

9

Stress Release - Crying and Cumming

August 9, 2010 | | 4 Comments

It’s one of those nights where I just need to be held and cry.

I took a hot bath and cried my eyes out. Now it’s time for me to turn out the lights and let my Hitachi Magic Wand work me into a state of intense release. Then I will fall asleep and hope my husband will hold me when he gets to bed.

XOXO

Aug

8

Five Types of Playmates Every Girl Should Have

August 8, 2010 | | Leave a Comment

I’ve read articles in women’s articles about the 5 types of friends every woman needs.  It is typically suggested that you have  a friend whose kids are the same age as yours, one who does the same kind of work you do, one who has known you since childhood, etc.

This article is about the 5 types of playmates every swinger girl should have.

1) The wham-bam-thank-you-man.  ;)  This is the guy who will give you a good fuck every time and not waste any time doing it.  You can text him and let him know you are horny and have his cock inside you within the hour.  Not a lot of time wasted, but just pure, raw, sexual pleasure.

2) The lazy-daze-lounging-lover.  This guy has a big comfy bed and will let you lounge in it all day long.  You lie together with naked bodies intertwined, alternating between good sex and good conversation.   The sex is good, but there is no hurry to get started or to get finished.

3) The oh-so-good-bad-boy.  When you go to visit this guy, you get butterflies in your stomach because he is sure to fuck you in a way that makes your heart beat wildly with adreneline.  He knows how to exploit the fine line between pleasure and pain in a way that pleasure always wins out.   Just when you think he is going to whisper sweet-nothings in your ear, he says something super naughty and makes you nod in agreement.

4) The finer-things-in-life guy.  This guy wants to make sure you are pampered in every way possible before he takes you to the brink of ecstasy.  Sensory pleasures abound!  Fine food, champagne, and chocolate.  Massage oils. Expensive cologne that infiltrates your psyche when you first smell him.  Soft lighting, candles, and sexy music set the mood.

5) The best-bud-boy-friend.  This is the kind of guy that you hang out with doing normal-guy stuff.  Drinks and appetizers while watching the game.  Playing a game of pool or darts.  This is the best kind of male-bonding because he gets to have good guy-type fun, but instead of going home alone to rub one out, he gets to take you home and have super fun, low-key, comfortable, sweaty sex with a cool chick.

Personally I think I have a #1, #2, and used to have a #3, but I haven’t seen him in ages.  Time for me to start looking for a #4 and #5.

Jul

31

Saturday Night at Home….

July 31, 2010 | | 2 Comments

So it’s Saturday night and instead of going out, we are home with our kids and getting ready for bed at 9:00 pm.  This is the life of a suburban swinger.  We actually do find ourselves at home like normal people every so often.   I attempted to get us invited to a couple house parties, but my husband nixed them since they are both about an hour drive from our house.  I understand his point, but really would like to meet some fun people who we both enjoy hanging out with.  It seems like we date separately almost exclusively now, and we used to have so much fun with couples and at parties.   I really hate being at home sometimes.

I have taken a shower and am going to climb in bed to play with my Hitachi Magic Wand.  It has been ages since I’ve given myself a really good orgasm with the king of all vibrators and I could really use some intense buzzing on my clit right now.

Jul

25

About Last Night

July 25, 2010 | | 2 Comments

Sunday morning.  Time to reflect on the previous night’s activities.

We went out to a house party with some friends that we have known for quite some time now.   They are the most gracious hosts ever and really go all out for this party, making special drink shots, setting up playrooms, and providing little niceties in the bathroom for the guests.   The party was an interesting mix of people and there were many many that I did not know.   I used to be so much better at parties about making sure I introduced myself to everyone in the room and made a point of remembering their names.  I don’t know why I ever stopped doing that.   Last night I did go down a line of people sitting by the fire and introduce myself and my husband to each of them, making an attempt to remember their names.  It was a weak version of how I used to be, but it did remind me of how much more fun it is to be the one making the first step.   We did have the opportunity to see a few old friends and remember what we liked about them … and what we didn’t.

One couple in particular is so sexy and attractive and would be a great 4-way connection for me and my husband.  If only they weren’t drunk, high, or both every time we see them.  I just have no desire to be fucked by a cock, that is pertpetually hard due to the little blue pill, and attached to someone who is so high he has no way of ascertaining any subtletly about how to actually make our sex mind-blowing instead of simply functional.  Four way connections are so rare, and it’s really unfortunate that we can’t seem to make it work with this couple.

So let me talk about the fun parts.  :)  Like I said, the hosts are extremely sweet and kind.  We used to have a ton of fun with them, and although the attraction has waned, we still really enjoy their company.   My husband and I decided to find a place to fuck each other.  He was easily the sexiest guy there, so why not fuck him?  Right?   The first place we attempted to find had already been “enjoyed” by a lady who apparently knows how to make herself squirt.   Good for her, but hubby and I looked for a drier spot.  We found a little curtained off area with a mattress on the floor.  It looked clean enough, so we laid down and started kissing.   He pulled out my nipples and gently pulled them into his mouth, while cupping their voluptuousness in his hands.   Then he took off his own pants, freeing his hard cock and sliding inside my wet, waiting pussy.    We fucked in that room as other party-goers walked in and out of the area on the other side of the curtain.    We could hear them talking and I’m sure a few peeked in on the action, but hubby and I didn’t even notice.  We were just in our own little world.  Sex isn’t about exhibitionism for either one of us, and sometimes it even makes us self-conscious to be watched.  Last night, we didn’t even pay attention to anyone that may or may not have been watching.  Soon, I was asking my husband to lie on his back so I could be on top.   I find myself enjoying this position more and more as of late.   I sat up and rode his cock at all the right angles making my clit tingle and my g-spot throb.   I had to slow down a couple times so that he could regain his composure, but the final time, he let me know that I had waited too long and he was going all the way.  I increased my rocking and sliding motion until he came inside me.  Because we weren’t at home and there was no condom or towel handy, we stayed for a bit with him inside me while we decided how we were going to make sure we didn’t leave behind a sticky mess for anyone who might want to play after us.  There is nothing I love more than continuing to fuck a man after he has cum.  A lot of guys, my husband included, find this too intense and usually ask me to stop.  Last night though, after a short time of sitting with my husband’s half- hard cock inside me, he let me know that I could keep “fucking it”.  Mmmmm it felt so fucking awesome to just really finish off and let my pussy subside to its normal state while still filled up with my husband’s dick.  Finally, I was finished and stepped across the hall to the bathroom to clean up and bring my husband something to clean himself up with.

Mmmmm!  Fun!

Later in the evening I had sex with a friend of mine who hasn’t gotten nearly enough action on this blog.  He’s basically one of my favorite current playmates and somehow, I just don’t seem to end up writing about our exploits.   And unfortunately, his story will have to wait once again because I am going to play a couple rounds of tennis with my sexy husband!

Be back soon…..